Guaro costs at the Airport Duty Free at San Jose, Costa Rica International
Airport for:
200 750ml Black Label
300 1000ml Red Label
Street prices vary, with a 300 ml flask
going for as low as 120 colones and a 750ml
liter bottle costing upwards of $60 at the
'really nice clubs' (more like scary).
In blind taste tests, most people felt the
Red label tastes more like rubbing alcohol
than the Black label. Gold label was not
available for this brief venture.
All pursuits to identify the first American employee to taste guaro have
come to the same conclusion: nobody can remember for sure. Further testing
will include determining greatest degree of optic nerve damage at a later
date... whoever it was - Thank You.
Cacique means 'chief'. It is speculated that this name is in honor of guaro's
position as the chief cause of violent crimes and nerve blindness in Costa
Rica.
Guaro in Music...
Guarachi Guaro was written and recorded by Dizzy Gillespie
Guaro in Great Literature:
"My informer seemed to remember with the greatest horror the quivering
of these chuzos as they approached near. When close, the cacique Pincheira
hailed the besieged to give up their arms, or he would cut all their throats."
from Voyage of the Beagle by Charles Darwin
The TDRSS consists of two major elements: A constellation of geosynchronous
satellites and a ground terminal complex located at White Sands, New Mexico.
The original ground terminal, Cacique, is currently undergoing
rehabilitation.
-Notes for STS-70 Space Shuttle Launch (Discovery)
Let them learn, plague take them, the right way to ask, and beg, and behave
themselves; for all times are not alike, nor are people always in good
humour. I'm now ready to burst with grief at seeing my green coat torn,
and
they come to ask me to whip myself of my own free will, I having as little
fancy for it as for turning cacique
-Sancho to the Duke in Cervates' Don Quixote
Such being the lattice of coincedence, I also noticed a women's apparel
store in the Great Mall of America named Cacique. This was obviously a
well shrouded attempt at a guaro reference.
-Electronic Journal Entry -Andy Wyszkowski in Minnesota
And let’s not forget why we’re drinking this crap…
· 0.02-0.03 BAC: No loss of coordination,
slight euphoria and loss of shyness.
Depressant effects are not apparent.
· 0.04-0.06 BAC: Feeling of well-being,
relaxation, lower inhibitions, sensation
of warmth. Euphoria. Some minor impairment
of reasoning and memory, lowering of
caution.
· 0.07-0.09 BAC: Slight impairment of balance,
speech, vision, reaction time, and hearing.
Euphoria. Judgement and self- control are
reduced, and caution, reason and memory are impaired.
· 0.10-0.125 BAC: Significant impairment of motor
coordination and loss of good judgement.
Speech may be slurred; balance, vision,
reaction time and hearing will be impaired.
Euphoria. It is illegal to operate a
motor vehicle at this level of intoxication.
· 0.13-0.15 BAC: Gross motor impairment and lack
of physical control. Blurred vision and
major loss of balance. Euphoria is reduced
and dysphoria is beginning to appear.
· 0.16-0.20 BAC: Dysphoria (anxiety, restlessness)
predominates, nausea may appear. The
drinker has the appearance of a "sloppy drunk."
· 0.25 BAC: Needs assistance in walking; total
mental confusion. Dysphoria with nausea
and some vomiting.
· 0.30 BAC: Loss of consciousness.
· 0.40 BAC and up: Onset of coma, possible
death due to respiratory arrest.
And now the Questions!
Q. Will this stuff make me blind?
A. No. According to Pablo Ciego, a long
time resident of Costa Rica and habitual
guaro drinker, he claims the guaro has
had no effect on his vision. It was actually
a blue dragon the beat him one night in his
sleep that caused his vision imairment.
Q. Why is guaro so cheap?
A. To coin a popular American phrase, "Why ask why?"
Q. What is the difference between red label
and black label?
A. Red label is for peasants. Black label is
for delusional peasants.